(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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