I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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