Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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