My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
