I'm pants shitting drunk right now
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
