First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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