They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I want a musical about memes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
