There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
