So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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