The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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