he thought i was a dude.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You left your phone here
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