so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
