people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
