Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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