He disabled his match.com account in front of me
smell my finger.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
