i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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