The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Alive.
So much puke
Use "feeling words"
Yay
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You've changed since you got that strap on
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
