I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have aggressive nipples.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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