My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
