I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
