My first STD was from a foam party
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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