whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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