You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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