He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
