I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
