i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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