I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
