Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
