You can't motorboat a personality
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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