guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Duck Duck Cougar?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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