Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
