cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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