i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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