she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
