so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
