if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
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