My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Please, let me fuck your mom
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
