I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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