hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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