She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
