Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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