Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
whose parrot is this?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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