thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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