uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
