Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
