The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
