i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
