I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
