So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
