I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Randomize
