I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
sex in a hospital.. check
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
